How I Learned To Stop Being Afraid To Offend: The Power of Fuck (originally written in 2013 and updated today)
I never imagined that my first book Ask More Get More would use expletives, and I had a hard time recognizing the benefit of using what some may find as an offensive word in my book. But, I grew up just out side of Boston, and the word fuck is just a part of our everyday vernacular. We affectionately call them sentence enhancers. Fuck is not a word you want to use around children, and it is obviously offensive to some. However, the offensiveness of the word fuck is what also makes it powerful. It is not appropriate in every situation, but when used properly it can be VERY effective.
Case in point, about a several years ago, I had an employee who worked for me mess up a major part of their job. She has a very important position and the information she gives to me affects my business decisions and affects the entire company and its employees. This person also was a very good friend of mine and she has known me since I was 12. All this meant that she ended up becoming the unfortunate (or I could say fortunate) person to learn about the power of fuck.
The conversation went something like this:
Me: Pat, you realize that you FUCKED up royally? You realize that because you were not prepared and essentially didn’t do your job, that you FUCKED me and the company right?
Pat: Michael, why are you talking like this to me? Why are you degrading me?
Me: Pat, you have know me since I was 12 right?
Pat: Yeah
Me: Have I not used the word Fuck since then?
Pat: Yeah
Me: Okay, then, well you fucked up, almost cost me and the company MILLIONS and if you almost got fired. Don’t ever do it again and remember this conversation in the future. I still love you
Now, there are many business people who would totally disagree with the use of this word. They would say that I am immature, that there are more effective ways to communicate, and it is down right just crass. Well, they may be right. But, I know this, that Pat never made the mistake again, and as a result she double and triple checked her data before giving it to me. I did also challenge her and for the most part her information since the above conversation has been correct.
Did I offend her? Yeah, probably. Did she get it? Did she understand the magnitude of her mistake? Yes she did. Did she make the same mistake again? NO! But, by me “offending” her by using the word FUCK she got it.
That same week I held a meeting about being more assertive and yes using the word FUCK with my executives. Most of my day consists of speaking with my executives about the business, our vendors, clients and customers. Many times I give a directive and because is not in the executives demeanor, they are not as aggressive as they should be and thus not as effective. I had a call center that takes a lot of our calls essentially steal from our company, treat my customers poorly and ultimately just do a horrible job. I asked one of my executives to express my concerns and to fix it. Well, I bet you can guess, the executive was not as passionate with their concerns and was a little more “professional”. But, one thing I have to point out. We had a very large staff, and they have families and they have children. They depend on us.
We have customers who expect a certain level of service and our reputation is everything. When a vendor on our behalf does not do what we expect, they are essentially telling me, my employees and my customers to FUCK OFF, and I am extremely offended by the lack of care and service. I picked up the phone and expressed to the VP of Sales and Marketing at this particular call center and used the work FUCK as a verb, adjective and a noun and guess what? They fixed the problem, and gave us a credit.
One time I picked up the phone and said to a vendor: “I know you are fucking me”. That’s all I said. They responded and ASKED ME what I wanted. As, you already know when I said that I knew what I wanted. They had about 250k of my money (they are essentially a bank), and I wanted it now. Guess what? I got it, AND they reduced the rates that they were charging me in the future.
Just recently I took my mother in law to lease a new car. Before I went to the dealership I had a friend who used to work there refer me to one of the managers. I also did my homework and negotiated over the phone before we walked through the door. I know the dealership needs to make money. When the numbers were presented they were what we thought. Just before my mother in law went into the finance office I told the manager that my next door neighbor is her boss and the general sales manager for her dealership.
She turned white and the blood seemed to have rushed out of her body. She said “ Oh, John is your neighbor? Why didn’t you tell me?” My response, "why? Are you fucking me?" She went back in and gave us a deeper discount.
I wasn’t getting fucked. But I wasn’t getting as good of a deal as I thought I was. Even if your buddy is referring you. As Ronald Regan famously coined. Trust but verify.
Now, if you do not use this word in your life, and you are offended by it then let me apologize. It is not the use of the word FUCK that is important. It is the use of the English language in a way that will effectively convey to the other party that they have, screwed you, hurt you, or disappointed you. And, you cannot be afraid to offend someone who FUCKS you, in your personal or business life, because at the end of the day you are the only one you is responsible for making YOU INC. successful.
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